When Wednesday night came to a close, the Sasaki’s and I had a very long decision about how we could use this earthquake to reach out to so many people that needed to feel Gods love and how we could continue to focus our efforts of outreaching to students now that my English classes would be put on hold. We also talked about my future in Japan through this disaster. I shared with them that I would stay and continue to be a support to the church in every way possible. Since I am a healthy able body, they could use my strength if they needed it, and they could also use my light hearted spirit in this time of fear and sadness. I had a new type of excited energy inside of me, ready to continue my service at the Ayashi Church…or so I though.
When I woke up Thursday morning on March 17th, the US Embassy had put out a report advising US citizens within a 50 mile radius to evacuate the area, or if that was not possible, to stay indoors. I obviously needed to figure out how far away I was. According to Google Earth, the church is 52 miles away from the reactor at question. Great! Right on the fence of safety. If the winds were to blow up north, how much more at risk of being exposed to radiation would I be. It also didn’t help that it was dumping snow, which apparently picks up a lot of radiation.
I went online and started chatting with my dad who supported me in whatever decision made to make. This was great for me to hear because I have a hard time listening when people tell me what they think is best, especially in this situation because no one could understand what was going on around me, or feel the emotions of those around me. All anyone outside of Japan could understand were the frightening images cycling through every news channel.
What people didn’t understand was that we as a church has come together and become a close family. During the week I slept at the church with some friends, ate all 3 meals at the church with the same friends, and played with little kids at the church since they did not have school. Despite all that was going on around us, our church had turned in a place of refuge for children to distract their minds from all the devastation that was happening around us. I loved being apart of this and this was something that I did not want to part from, and it was a side of this disaster that friends and family were not aware of.
With all of that being said, I know that this was a decision that I could not make on my own. It didn’t matter what I decided, my decision would have a huge impact on both parties. If I decided to stay, I know that the hundreds of people praying for me would continue to worry about my health and safety amidst all of this radiation. If I were to leave, I knew that I would be creating a big hole in the church that I’m serving and that many students would have a hard time with my absence. There came to a point where I realized that there was no “right” decision, but there was a best decision. Well then, what’s the best decision?
Back in May upon my decision weather or not to move to Japan I realized that there are two questions that I needed to ask myself. Is this what I want? Or, is this what God wants? It is easy to follow and get what you want, but sometimes it’s not in the best interest for you. I have found great peace in living for God and doing what he wants me to do. If you do what God wants, you can live with the peace of mind that he will protect you and take care of your every need. So far, in the past 8 months God has show me his protection and he has in fact proven that in the past weeks 9.0 earthquake and tsunami. So, I started praying and seeking direction. Now, I did not hear a deep voice in my head saying, “Kris, I want you to go back to Seattle.” Instead, many little pieces started coming together and once enough pieces were put together I could see what God wanted me to do. Now, I could probably write pages and pages about this, but I will try to keep it short to a few things that were reviled to me that afternoon.
Since the time of the earthquake and news of the Fukushima nuclear reactors in some sort of melt down, my inbox was being flooded by friends, parents of friends and extended family encouraging me to come home. At first glance when I read these, I felt touched and overwhelmed by all the thoughts and prayers that were going out to me. I appreciated their concern, but I didn’t want to be persuaded by the wants of other people because that is not what God wanted for me. But on March 17th, I started thinking about the value of my life and why God has put me here in Japan. I believe that one of the major reasons why I was here in Japan was to be a light in darkness and to share his love through my ability and wantingness to serve and love others. With this new development of being 50 miles away from the reactors, I saw this as a warning for me. I had complete faith that God would keep this church and the people who serve here safe, but this was something that people on the other side of the ocean to understand. This was the main reason why I didn’t want to leave because I knew that God would keep me safe. But then there was the overshadowing thought that if the winds were to change, I could possible be quarantined inside where I would no longer be able to be a light, thus my work would have stopped. I also realized that if anything tragic were to happen to me, many people state side would be affected by my stubbornness to stay.
An idea popped into my mind. It was an idea that would be difficult for me to work out, but I believe this realization came from God. I realized that the thing that was keeping me here in Japan was me, I wanted to be here. Where and what did God want me to do? I believe that he wanted me to go back to Seattle and continue my ministry there, where I could be more effective. God has given me a great story to tell, and my faith has grown so much in the past eight months, I could share my story and encourage others and continue shining Gods light to those who have been praying and supporting me.
Later that day, I sat down with pastor Hisashi and his wife Junko and had a 2 to 3 hour conversation expressing my concerns about staying, but also explained how difficult it would be for me to leave. The understood where I was coming from, and we eventually came to a mutual decision that I would continue to serve the Ayashi Church as a missionary to Seattle until it was safe for me to come back to Japan. This was no easy decision by any means, but the fact that it was what God wanted me to do, made it so much easier to leave.
Getting out was no easy task either. It would be a race against time and weather to get out of there before the possibility of winds changing that could possibly delay me departure from Sendai. But, I had no worries. I believed that God wanted me to come home, and if he wanted me to come home then he would bring me home safely. The Next 48hrs would be an adventure that I will never forget that led me to take 5 buses, stay in 2 hotels, ride on three airplanes and visit 5 airports…but more on that later.
Thanks so much for the prayers!
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