Hat...$20, meeting a crazy Korean lady on the street...priceless

Here is a fun unforgettable story I took home from Korea, and will be able to share with friends for a long time. Only a few people know this story, but I gladly invite you to read and share the experience. Enjoy.

As I walked up the steps that brought me from the subway in Itaewon, I was curious to see if the rumors I’ve heard from this part of town were actually true. Allow me to inform about the general stereotype I heard about this area. It is essentially the international district of Seoul, meaning there are lots of Americans. There is a US military base near by, and lots of English teachers hang around there. Basically, it's a place where Americans get hammered and give all white people/Americans their negative reputations.

I was meeting Ben, my childhood church friend from my old church Rock of Ages. We were planning on meeting at this particular subway exit at 3:30. We were just going to walk through this gong-show of an area, then see some other stuff before we met up with Joe and Marie for New Years Eve celebrations. While I was waiting, I saw a large CD display, since it was close to our meeting area; I went over to browse the selection. As I was looking at the unfamiliar titles a Korean woman approached me and said, “you won’t find Katy Perry.” I was a little put back and confused by that comment. Does this lady work here? Or is she one of the many Koreans that practice their English on foreigners. I assumed the second based on how she was dressed. My next thought was, “what a strange way to start a conversation with someone…assuming that they are looking for a Katy Perry CD.” I kindly replied, “oh, thank you, but I’m not looking for Katy Perry, I’m just looking at CD’s while I wait for my friend.”

“Are you American?” she sharply asked

“Yes”

“Are you in the military?”

“No, I’m an English teacher”

“Here in Seoul?’

“No, I actually live and teach in Japan. I am here visiting some friends”

“Oh, cooool. Whats your name?”

“My name is Kris, What’s yours?”

I forgot what her name was, but she seemed to have taken a fond interest in me. There were many obvious signs that this could not a potential relationship…the main deterrent right off the bat was that she looked like she was in her 50s. As we kept talking…let me rephrase that. As she kept talking, I soon realized that this lady was kind of a nut job. If this had taken place in Seattle, it would be a pretty easy assumption that she was on drugs. But, being that I was in Korea, the possibility that she was on drugs was significantly less. Anyways, the conversation continued, and spiraled to new lows the longer we talked, but I continued to be friendly and light-hearted (Let me remind you, I can’t leave this area cause I’m supposed to meet Ben here, but he doesn’t have a cell phone, so I couldn’t simply call him up and tell him a new meeting place).

“I had a husband, he’s in the AMC (American Marine Corp), I hate him, he a bad bad man. He left me and my daughter, I want to punch him in the face.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I replied, “but I think punching him in the face wouldn’t solve anything.”

And then it happened, I figured out why she approached me. “Me and my daughter need some food for dinner tonight, can I have $20?” I quickly responded by saying, “WHAT? $20, no, I can’t give you that much…remember I’m an English teacher…and I’m traveling, I don’t have that much money. I’ll take you to the bakery right over there and I’ll buy some bread for you and your daughter.”

“No, we need real food.” She said that she wanted to go to the super market across the street and around the corner to buy enough food for dinner. I told her that I needed to stay here because I’m meeting a friend. “Then can I have $20?” she asked again.

“I’m sorry, I can’t just give you $20, I can maybe give you a few dollars”

She then turned into a street saleswoman. “Here, I’ll give you this ring if you give me $20.” She proceeded to pull out a nice looking engagement ring.

“I don’t need a ring, how about you sell that to someone else who could use it.” By this point I have already invested 10 min talking to her I was just trying to get her to move on, but I didn’t have the heart to just start ignoring her and blowing her off. I told her that I could give her $10, then told her to go sell that to someone else for $20, and then she could have $30. She did not go for it because she “HATE Korea, F@%k Koreans. Korea is too cold, I hate cold!”

“Ok, well, I can’t give you any more then $10, so here you go.” She wasn’t impressed that I didn’t give her more. You would think that anyone who is given $10 should at least seem somewhat happy, yet she still complained. She was very determined to get $10 more dollars. I proceeded to change the subject and ask her questions about her daughter. Doing that bought me 10min from being asked for ten more dollars. Ben still hadn’t shown up.

Next, she pulled out a beanie/toque and said, “Do you want this hat? I just bought it for my daughter, but I’ll give it to you”

“No thanks” I said “I don’t need a hat, I’m warring one right now. Your daughter could use it more then me”

“She won’t like it, she doesn’t like green, she likes pink.” My thoughts were, Why would you buy something for your daughter that you know she wouldn’t like. She was a terrible lier, and I assumed she didn’t buy it for her daughter, or maybe didn’t even buy it. I suggested her to sell that to someone who needs it and then you can have more money. But, she still seemed focused on getting money from me. We started chatting again.

She didn’t have a very good memory because she started asking me stuff I already told her. “So, who are you staying with?”

“I’m staying with my old roommate and his wife from my old University”

“Are they American too?”

“You know, you probably won’t like me anymore…they’re Canadian”

“Canadian!? I hate Canadians, its too cold there!” There was an awkward pause then asked a bold question. “Kriiiis, can I come over and stay with you tonight?”

“WHAT? NO!! What are you thinking, of course not!”

“Come on Kris, its New Years eve”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that, but that is for sure not going to happen.”

Now, I’m thinking, great! Ben, where the heck are you? Its after 4:00, and I’ve been talking to this lady for like 25mins. I said, “Ok, I need to go find my friend, Happy New Year.” “Kriiiis, come on, I need $20.” “Sorry, I can’t give you that much. Bye” Korean is a very winey sounding language. Every time she said my name, it sounded very winy…like it was my fault she was having a terrible day.

I walked back down the subway so that I can walk up a different exit and be on the opposite side of the street as her. As I was walking I began thinking to myself about how I just gave some stranger 10 bucks, and I didn’t get anything. At this point the extra $10 for the hat did not seem so bad, but I didn’t want to go back. I walked around for a while, but as I was crossing the street, we happened to pass each other. “Krriiiiiiiis!” Shouted, “Nice American man.” She turned around and followed me to the corner of the street. Now, at this point, we are more out in the open because we didn’t have cover like we did at the CD stand. Using my peripherals, I gathered that this whole thing was becoming a bit of a scene because this lady was beginning to get more obnoxious. It was kind of a weird setting. Even though I was in Korea, the majority of the people in this area were Americans, they looked like military people because they had a bigger build…and all looked pretty BA. I was feeling pretty uncomfortable.

This lady asked me for more money. So I asked if the hat was still for sale. She said, “Yes, of course.”

“Where did you buy it?” I asked.

“At Addidas, right over there”

“How much did it cost?”

“$20” She said.

Hmm, interesting she needs $20 when she just bought a hat for $20. So I asked her, “Why did you buy a hat for $20 you didn’t need, and now you want $20?” I don’t remember what she said, but I didn’t really care, whatever she said. I gave her $10 more dollars and she gave me the hat. It was all very suspicious because it was in a plastic grocery bag. I definitely didn’t want to get caught with a stolen hat, so I stuffed it in my jacket pocket. At this point you would think we would go our separate ways. Unfortunately that was not the case. She continued talking to me about her problems and how she hated her ex-husband.

“I want to kill him! If I see him I want to punch him in the nose. Can you kill him for me? If I had a gun and I saw him, I would shoot him 30 times.” She pretended to be shooting an automatic machine gun at me and made sound effects “Bang, bang, bang, bang! I want to shoot him 30 times, in the face and in the chest…but not his coconuts, just the face and the chest.” I’m Dead serious, that's what she said. I was just looking at her in aw and thinking, “who is this person.”

She quickly changed topics and said, “do you have a cell phone?”

“Nope”

“Can I get your phone number?”

“What? I just told you I didn’t have a phone”

“Oh, right. Let me give you my phone number and you can call me.”

“No, that's ok, I don’t need your phone number.”

“Call me when you bet back to Japan.”

“Well, you can give me your phone number, but I won’t call you.”

“Kriiiis, what? I don’t understand what your saying.”

“Okay, give me your number and I’ll call you when I get back to Japan”

She then gave me her number, but I obviously had no intention of calling her…ever. I was scanning the area to see if I could see Ben, but I couldn’t see him.

“Ok” I said, “I really need to go find my friend.”

“Kriiis, I’ll call my daughter and we will come stay with you tonight.”

“Yeah, again…not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“Really? You don't know why? I need to go.”

“Kriiis, you can’t just leave, Americans hug.”

FRICK! I said in my head. I turned around and said “no, sorry.” then she started repeating my name over and over again all winey like, “Kriiiis, Kriiis, come on!” I finally broke down. “Fine.” I walked back and gave her what was the most awkward hug ever…with a stranger, and uncomfortably long. “Ok, bye” I said, “Kriiiiis, we need to high-five.” So to top off this uncomfortable encounter, we exchanged high fives. “Happy New Year, and God Bless” I said as I turned and walked back to wait for Ben.

Instead of waiting on the side of the road, I waited inside a store and looked out the window. I defs didn’t want to run into that lady again. At about 4:30, one hour after our original meeting time, Ben walked up out of the subway. Boy did I have a story to tell him. And boy, Itaewon sure lived up to its gong-show expectation